Tuesday, 12 June 2012

My Eating Disorder, the First Of Many Posts

Well then, good day to all of you!

Most of you are aware that my Dukan Anniversary was on Sunday. We made it! A full year since we decided to follow the Dukan Diet! I can’t believe it, it is all so unreal.

So of course, we made a decision (well… I made a decision and Prawn went along with it) with regards to how we should celebrate.

At first it was an innocent decision, nothing major, Prawn LOVES sushi and hadn’t been in a year. I had gone twice when I was having Celebration Meals and he was always jealous and upset, so I decided to surprise him and have both of us cheat on our diets, and go out for sushi to celebrate our ‘Dukan Anniversary’.

Well… of course, what started off as going out for sushi Saturday night turned into a nightmare, a huge whirlwind of cheating, bad food decisions, an entire weekend of blowing our diets out of the water which ended in Prawn being sick and both of us feeling such guilt and disappointment in ourselves.

Ugh.

So, both of us definitely have an eating disorder, this has become so obvious to us after this weekend. I don’t think we could ever go back to eating normally because after seeing all the bad decisions we made this weekend… I’m surprised we even managed to lose the weight in the first place.

Because I feel that I need to come clean about it (I’m embarrassed, so so embarrassed…) here is a quick synopsis of my terrible weekend:

Saturday morning I ate well, I went to a total muscle conditioning class, one hour. I struggled in justifying the sushi date to myself (I can imagine the next 2-3 of my posts will be on this topic, the justification process) then decided to go out for sushi, then went out for a McFlurry, then a Cinnabon, then popcorn and chocolate at the movies, and a diet coke.

Ice cream, ice cream cone, bananas and blueberries when I got home (a couple bowls) as well as a bowl of cereal (which I really really missed while dieting…)

The next day had two pogos for breakfast, then we were going to go out for pizza for lunch but the place we wanted to go was closed, so instead of going home and making something or going someplace else for pizza, we went out for Chinese food. It was good but we didn’t really want Chinese food you know? We just kindof went and got no satisfaction from it.

Then a couple bowls of ice cream during the day and for dinner we went out for burgers, poutine, shakes, and onion rings. I could barely eat a bite of the burger and only had a handful of the fries in the poutine before feeling so full I couldn’t bare to eat another bite. Threw out the rest, what a waste of money.

So you see? It just exploded. What a terrible, terrible weekend (food-wise). I am disappointed in myself but am moving forward, starting with eating very well yesterday as well as today, no cheating, not even a bite.

I’m trying to not let last weekend affect my dieting as of Monday. It’s over, move on, no more excuses. Clean eating until November with maybe only one more cheat day before competition, the cheat day being my birthday in September.

It’s just not worth having another binge-eating weekend or day. I don’t feel any better, none of the food I ate satisfied me in any way, I don’t feel better having done it, I feel worse.

So that’s that. Like I said, you can expect a whole slew of posts on justification, cheating, binge eating, reflections on my year spent following the Dukan Diet, all sorts of treats for you in the future, based on this new experience with the diet.


I have started working on a wordpress blog… just trying it out. I will let you all know when it’s ready for you and will continue posting here in the mean time.

Just wanted to update you all on how bad I was this weekend, but also to let you know that even though this weekend was just, absolutely eye opening and terrible food-wise, I’m right back on the wagon. No easing back into it, just cut out all cheating, and move on, which is what you have to do when something like this happens, no use sulking about it, acknowledge it, and move forward.

Stay strong you guys! Man, this has been hard to admit to… but I feel the need to admit my obvious problem here, and work through it using this blog and maybe help anyone suffering from similar issues. I’m sure I’m not the only one with an uncontrollable overeating problem that has clearly not been solved by following Dukan for over a year now...

xoxo

25 comments:

  1. I appreciate your honesty. You're one tough cookie to acknowledge the situation, talk openly about it and move on. You've managed so much thus far, no one said there wouldn't be bumps along the road....

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    1. I can totally relate to this but like you said the important thing is to get back on the wagon and go forward. I have also been on the Dukan diet for about three and a half weeks and during that time have not cheated even a little. Then Christmas came two days ago and I had baked tons of cookies and cake for my family and my mother in law brought a red velvet cake and we also got another plate of xmas cookies from a family member. My husband and I have not been getting along and he left to go and spend a couple of days with his mother so I was at home feeling depressed and guess what? You guessed it, I binged on cookies, cake and candy. I know this had something to do with the holiday let down as well as the realization that my marriage is a mess. In addition my daughter who came home from Colorado and who I was looking forward to spending quality time with ended up in a bad mood with PMS so our day together was not much fun. I find it very difficult to resist having plate after plate of my favorite sweets here at home under my nose when feeling low and the temptation was too great. You are still and inspiration to me though because you are determined to not let your binge destroy your progress and will move forward in the right direction anyway. I hope to do the same tomorrow and think it would be a good idea to give the remainder of the cookies and cakes to a family member or maybe take them to a retirement home. Stay strong and best of luck to you!

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  2. There does seem to be some sort of food addiction going on. You're willing to be open about it and acknowledge it, which is the first step in any addiction. You were lucky to find Dukan, as is true for many of us. A diet/lifestyle with strict rules helps fight addictive urges. I think for many of us, eating "normally" after the diet will never be what people in the U.S. consider normal.

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  3. I have read and heard other people comment (myself included) about innocently eating some type of carb and then continuing to go on a massive carb binge. I speculate it has something to do with food allergy, intolerance, sensitivity or something like that, because its an issue to certain people and not to others.

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  4. I appreciate your honesty ... as this is what has happened to me lately! Then I figured out I could "make up" a binge with a few days of Attack ... and I got into a binge and attack cycle. I am blogging about this today.

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    1. Your story sounds familiar. I have been starting the attack/binge cycle recently and feel very guilty. I understand why I am doing this and think that the first step to changing any behavior is recognizing it and understanding it. Maybe focusing the the progress you have made might help to curb the binges. That is what I hope will help me.

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  5. Hi, I nominated you for the Sunshine Award!! Enjoy!

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  6. re todays blog, oh dear. I kind of do that everytime I have a holiday from work, the dukan diet goes out the window and I sabotage myself. Its hard to admit and take on board that you probably cant eat 'normal' ever again. I put on 4 lbs just from eating a few sandwiches and some chocolate (and the rest..) and I didnt even eat huge quantities, it was just the wrong food. Writing it 'out loud' is a good step forward, you'll be ok!! :)

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  7. This is why I say that for myself, what I do is a total lifestyle. We allow little treats - build them into our eating - so that a binge does not happen. I think if you never feel deprived then it is easier to eat well.

    You must have felt rather rotten after all of that!! Good luck to getting back to it, maybe adjust your eating now to a more paleo approach so that you are more satiated?? It would be terrible to ruin all the great work you have done - good luck :)

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  8. carbohydrates, particularly from wheat and simple sugars ARE addictive... I applaud your candor DD, you have made amazing strides in your life, this small setback is a learning curve, and you are using it that way :) I agree with Lynda re: the paleo approach. Best.
    *anna
    oceannah

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  9. Awwww.... One of my very wise friends that has passed on used to tell me that when you are making life changes it is important to remember that your are weaving a grand tapestry and just because there is a missed thread or a different color thread it doesn't make you throw the whole thing out. People like the ones that have those imperfections because they are considered unique. You are unique. You had a missing thread this weekend but the work of art you have created is no less special. We are still proud of you and you should still be proud of yourself as well. You acknowledged it and are back on track. That's what counts! Hugs....

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    1. Your analogy to a tapestry was wonderful and very true. I will remember this and thank you.

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  10. Mamma in Maine14 June 2012 at 07:10

    It happens. Not much more to say than that. It's why I WON'T cheat. Period. The "well-meaning" people who tell me that "a little won't kill you" just don't have a clue. While it may not kill me, it opens the door to disaster.
    Learn from this- you will- you seem to always learn from what goes wrong.
    PRINT out your post. Put it where it will remind you of why you don't want to do this again. Read it when you are tempted to go off track in a big way again.
    And, move on.

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  11. It’s certainly a milestone, completing a year of doing Dukan dieting for your eating disorder! It’s really something worth celebrating. Sadly, your trip for a sushi didn’t end as you planned. Anyway, it’s still good that you regrouped yourself. Let’s hope next week turns out better. Moving forward can be a good motivation to recover from an eating disorder.

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